my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
All the doctor said was why
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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