Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
