That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
