so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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