Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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