when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
