I'm jealous of your bromance
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
