Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
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You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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