Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
