Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
