: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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