put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
