What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
