I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
