you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
