Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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