it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
