I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
