I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
