Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
it's great music for shaving your balls
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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