i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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