I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
