How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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