he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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