I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You took a bar mat shot.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
