he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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