Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
