return my video game
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
