Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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