The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Duck Duck Cougar?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
