maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
