I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
