Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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