Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
