Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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