I just saw a hot homeless man
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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