oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
