she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
