the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
