you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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