also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
