I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I would fuck him just for his dog
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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