Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
