tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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