Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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