I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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