therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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