I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
