Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
