In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
