We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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