Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
