How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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