No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize