I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
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