Small penises have feelings too.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
