So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
