I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I need a burrito and a hug.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
