Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
