That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
