my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
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she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize