I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
