Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
