i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
