so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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