normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
