sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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