He is such a slut. More and more my type.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
