watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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