Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
