i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
