He had one of those small greek statue penises
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
