So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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