I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
