4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
