True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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