its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
