somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
