i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I pour the whiskey from now on
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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