i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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