Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
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I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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