I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I understand Curling. That high.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
